2011 began with a service for a friend and colleague who had died suddenly and much too young, from a massive heart attack.   Jeff Linville was an incredibly talented video editor and graphic artist.  He had no family members so it was up to his friends to tie up all the loose ends.  One of the reasons I became a Certified Celebrant was to assist in situations like this.  When one of his closest colleagues called on me, it made perfect sense.  He was not a religious person but he did have spiritual elements in his life.  His work was the most important thing to him and during the service we presented one of the short videos he was most proud of.

Video also played an important element in the Celebration of Life I prepared for my 20 year old niece since the achievements of her short life were well-documented by her family and friends.  Here’s a tribute I wrote for her.

“Marika Joy Warden was just 20 years old when she died on March 4, 2011.  Her life touched so many people that 600 showed up to pay their respects on a rainy March evening, overwhelming the small funeral home in Ithaca NY .  Her family was a bit taken aback but her friends weren’t at all surprised.

Before she got leukemia, she was smart, beautiful and a little spoiled.  The AML changed everything.  She coped with long and multiple hospitalizations often in a coma in the ICU.  She had to cope with avoiding infections.  Through the course of the disease she matured far beyond her years and as she did she lost some friends, but she gained many more.  One of her doctors noted that the focus of her life was not in the hospital or on her disease, but on the life she was living.   She was at the age of hope – where life is to be lived and all options explored.  She was impatient and for 3 years the disease sometimes knocked her down, but never out.

Marika was devastated to learn that she would not be attending her senior prom.  But the nurses and staff at Strong Medical Center in Rochester put one on especially for her.   She was able to attend her high school graduation ceremonies.  When her name was called, everyone there gave her a standing ovation.  She couldn’t shake hands as she crossed the stage, so she blew kisses to everyone.  For two semesters she went away to college managing her illness and acquiring a whole new group of friends.  On her 20^th birthday she even travelled to Australia with friends.

Aside from her spirit what she leaves us is her music.  She always had a beautiful singing voice and began performing in elementary school musicals.   She began working with her friend Russ who wrote and produced music.  She spent many boring hours in the hospital writing lyrics and cutting tracks which she sent to him. They called themselves “Mechanically Separated” because they were.

The last time I saw her she was still looking forward – planning which nursing school she would attend in Australia  (would it be in Sydney or Melbourne?) .  She was planning her 21^st birthday bash for the following May.  I looked at her and hoped that she’d had a chance to experience all the normal young adult things – sex, drugs (there was no doubt about the rock and roll).  But I think she did.  It’s all in her lyrics.

“A soft wind turned into something.

My eyes are playing tricks cause there you are.

It’s foul play I’ve learned the hard way

Cause wishful thinking never got me

Very far.

And we don’t see what’s gonna be but somehow we’ll get by.

Til next time, next time I get high

The best times fly”

Bright and early on the morning of January 31, 2012 I traveled to Annapolis to add my voice.  I had no idea what to expect.   I arrived at the Maryland Inn and the room was filled to overflowing with men and women from many religious organizations and communities throughout Maryland.  There were Baptists, Catholics, Methodists, Episcopalians, Jews, Muslims, and of course Unitarians among many others.   Everyone was very upbeat as we began our prayer breakfast.

Several clergy members testified in support of same-sex marriage including 3 African American Baptists.   This was especially significant because it was leaders from that community who de-railed the bill last year.  We were also addressed by a nun who called herself an “American” Catholic (as opposed to a Roman Catholic).   She pointed out that it wasn’t until the 12^th century that marriage became a sacrament in the church.  Up until that point marriage was strictly a civil arrangement.

While we expected to be addressed by the Speaker of the House of Delegates, Michael Busch, we were happily surprised when our Governor, Martin O’Malley arrived.  He introduced the current legislation and has worked hard to make it explicitly protect religious freedom while strongly protecting the rights of ALL couples to marry.   He says, “One does not have to be an advocate for same-sex marriage in order to support equal rights under the law.”

After the speeches and the photo ops we were assigned delegates and senators to lobby.  Since my state legislators are all actively supporting the bill, I was assigned a Delegate who is on the fence – John Bohanan from St. Mary’s County.  I was joined by Cantor Ann Sachs from the Baltimore Hebrew Congregation.  We were briefed on some of the finer legal points by a lawyer from the ACLU.  Then we made our way to the State House 3 blocks away.

On the way, Ann and I discussed strategy.  Neither of us had lobbied before so we didn’t have a formula.  We decided to begin with a question, “What are your concerns about this bill?”  That way we wouldn’t be making useless arguments.   Ann noted that he served on an education committee and was active with children’s issues so protecting the rights of children (which the bill does) might appeal to him.

We arrived at Bohanan’s office and were informed that he was in a meeting but his Legislative Aide (LA) was able to meet with us.  I know from living in DC all these years that the LA is one of the primary advisors to a legislator so while disappointed I was not disheartened.  The LA pointed out that he was unclear how this legislation differs from Civil Union legislation.  Neither Ann nor I had chapter and verse for this but we could generally state that Civil Unions do not protect couples in the same ways that marriage does – especially in cases of protecting inheritance, property, and children.  Also Civil Unions end at the state line and are not recognized by other states, countries, or the federal government.  We said we would get more information on the specifics in this bill to hm.   We made arguments about protecting children and looked at the history of St. Mary’s County.  It was founded as a haven for religious freedom in the New World.

As I write this the legislation has passed the House of Delegates and is on to the Senate.  Martin O’Malley is sure to sign it, but opponents will place it on the ballot in November hoping that it won’t pass a popular vote.  I think it can if we all keep working toward this important Civil Right.

As a recent editorial in the Washington Post said:  “The protection of constitutional and civil rights need not be a zero sum game. The governor’s legislation respects this principle and should serve as the foundation for a civil and productive way forward.”  January 28, 2012.
http://www.hrc.org/blog/entry/marriage-equality-takes-giant-step-forward-in-maryland

I am a Life-Cycle Celebrant®.   That means I perform personalized ceremonies for everyone regardless of religion, belief, heritage, gender, or sexual preference.  Yes there are others who perform personalized ceremonies and many of these ceremonies are beautiful, but often they don’t have the latitude and variety of those created by my associates and myself.  It is one of the joys of my life to present a well-rounded and nuanced view of each couple and individual I work with.

I have received special training and continue to receive support from the Celebrant Foundation and Institute an international organization of ceremony specialists.  http://www.celebrantinstitute.org/   I identify myself as a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, because it is through that extensive training that I learned how to create beautiful, personalized ceremonies for people like you.

I have written and performed all types of ceremonies including weddings; funerals and memorials;  baby blessings; graduation and wise woman ceremonies; celebrations of life; seasonal ceremonies;  house and business blessings; divorce and separation ceremonies; healing ceremonies; and pet adoptions and memorials.  People often assume that ceremony is strictly the purview of clergy, but we as Life-Cycle Celebrants® know ceremony belongs to everyone and can be used to mark any of life’s important transitions.

As a Wedding Celebrant I wear another hat – that of Interfaith Minister.  This has allowed me to legally perform weddings in DC, MD, and VA as well as Delaware, Pennsylvania, New York, and West Virginia.  I was ordained through the Universal Brotherhood Movement.  They are an interfaith spiritual movement based on principles of non-judgment and unconditional love.  The UBM has fostered thousands of individual ministries all over the world including hundreds of Life-Cycle Celebrants®.   The UBM embraces most of the world’s philosophies, religions, spiritual disciplines and service orientations.  That’s why they are a good fit for those of us who are Life-Cycle Celebrants®.

In Australia where the movement for Life-Cycle Celebrants® began in the early 1070’s, Celebrants are legally recognized in every way.  They don’t have to wear two hats.  The effort towards legal recognition has started in the US in New Jersey where our headquarters are located. But the goal is for us to have it everywhere eventually—in every state and province and country where we practice.  That won’t happen if we don’t share who we are and do so with confidence, with passion, and with the belief that people need what we have to offer.  Not everyone needs a Celebrant.  We completely respect all those whose needs are served by clergy from their own faiths.   But from my experience there are more and more people who fall outside traditional organized religions.  They too are worthy of being celebrated and I for one am honored to create memorable expressions of their most deeply held values and beliefs.

Photo Credit: Rachel Cooper

Marriage laws in the US are governed by the states (or in this case the District of Columbia) not the federal government.  That means that requirements vary from place to place.  In DC they are not exactly straightforward, and it can be a little complicated to get legally married here.  It used to be more complicated because a blood test was required.  We’re all glad they dropped that in the fall of 2008.

Here are some things to consider today:

WHO can get married? As of March, 2010 same-sex couples as well as opposite sex couples can get legally married in DC.  You don’t need to be a resident of the District of Columbia.  You don’t even need to be a citizen on the US.  Both of you do need to be above the age of 18 (or 16 with parental approval) and not currently married.

APPLYING FOR A LICENSE To get legally married you need a license and it is issued by the Superior Court of DC.  The entire process takes a minimum of 5 days.  On the first day you apply.  ID’s and social security numbers (or passports) are required for each party.  Then you wait 3 days.  On the day after that you can pick up the license after you have paid the application and license fee (currently a total of $45 and cash is best).

The couple can send a representative to apply and to pick up the license so long as that person has all the necessary information and fees.

If you are not getting married by the Court (and there’s generally a 2 -3 week wait for those ceremonies), you need to know who is going to marry you.  Your officiant MUST be registered with the Court and their name will be placed on your license.

For more detailed information and to download an application go to the Marriage Bureau website.

WHERE can you get married? Anywhere so long as it’s in DC – not Maryland or Virginia.  There are many wonderful historic mansions in DC and hotels and B&B’s often have special packages for wedding getaways.  But there are some things to keep in mind.  Many public spaces are off limits unless you have a special permit.  Here’s where things get even more complicated.  DC doesn’t have just one police force.  It has the Metropolitan Police, and the Park Police and the Secret Service which controls the White House and grounds etc.   Each Embassy is governed by the laws of the nation it represents.   The West Steps of the Capitol Building are monitored by the Capitol Police and they do not usually permit weddings there.

There are only 2 locations on the National Mall that permit weddings – next to the Jefferson Memorial and in the  DC World War I Memorial.   Contact the National Park Service for more information and other National Park locations like Rock Creek Park.

There are also many wonderful DC parks and facilities.

Feel free to contact me for more information.

You are married

Small weddings like these can really benefit from the Celebrant approach to crafting personalized ceremonies.  In intimate settings values are expressed through words and readings.   There are no musicians or color coordinated bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up – no floral arrangements, programs, or dove releases.   It’s just the couple and the Celebrant and sometimes a photographer.

Prison weddings can get complicated logistically.  I have been on the verge a couple times, but then had things canceled at the last minute by forces beyond my or the couple’s control.  Only one so far has been successful.   Many city and county detention centers don’t have any facility for weddings.  State and federal prisons are more likely to allow this, but only at special times.  All staff who might be involved have to be informed and agree to the ceremony.

When planning a very small wedding ceremony with the couple I have many things to keep in mind.  First and foremost, it should be a true expression of who they are.  At the same time, it should be quite short.  The couple doesn’t need to stand there listening to a long speech about how they met.  They simply need to affirm the reasons why they are taking this step.  It’s also appropriate to signpost where they’ve come from and those who have provided inspiration to them along they way.  Their vows should be heartfelt – especially when they are not writing their own.  Simple rituals (a rose exchange or a glass of wine shared) and readings can also be folded in.  There is no legal reason why rings HAVE to be exchanged – especially if they are planning a bigger ceremony later on.

My approach to each couple follows the Celebrant style of creating any ceremony.  In cases like these, I don’t ask them to fill out questionnaires.  It’s TMI (too much information) and often there simply isn’t time for this.  Instead I interview them – often over the phone.  I ask about their backgrounds; their family situations – parents, children, etc.; where they grew up and have lived; their cultural backgrounds.  I also ask about  their religious backgrounds and their current spiritual beliefs.  Even if they want a completely civil ceremony, I try to discover their moral values and other beliefs that are important to each of them.  I also ask about their relationship – what brought them together – how long have they been a couple – what they have in common – why they are taking this next step.  Then I draft a ceremony and send it to them to review and make changes.

Logistically, I do ask one member of the couple to sign a contract.  That way we all know that the commitment we are making to each other is serious.  In DC my name will appear on their marriage license so it will be clear that I will be the one to perform the wedding.  But of course, we ALL need to be aware of and agree to the where and when.  I also take down contact information and ask for a deposit.  Again, these things help to guarantee that we all plan to show up at the appropriate time and place.   When there are no caterers and wedding planners involved some couples can feel that things aren’t quite serious.  I once had a couple show up an hour and a half late to their own wedding.  AND they missed the boat trip they had already paid for – not to mention the extra fees they owed me for waiting around (I had some time that day but that isn’t always the case).

I recently performed a prison wedding in Maryland  which had its own set of logistical challenges – but not from the couple themselves.  After many delays and cancellations it finally came off on a Thursday night – the time they had reserved for weddings.  The bride and groom, a guard and myself were the only ones there in the visiting room.  I had arrived a half hour early to be checked in.  All the guards were very gracious and friendly while professionally performing their jobs. I was given a locker for my jewelry, purse, and cell phone.   I was screened very much like at the airport.   My coat (there was a bit of an outdoor walk from the check-in to the visitor’s room), jacket with pockets, and notebook with the ceremony were sent through the x-ray machine.  I later used the guard’s pen to fill out the marriage license since mine was not permitted through.  Despite the restrictions, the couple was like any other – overjoyed to see each other and excited to be getting married.

They happy ending here is that the couples who “elope’ usually have big weddings, with all the trimmings, planned for the future – after their tour of duty; when they return to their homes; or after their release from prison.  I call these “Blessing” ceremonies because their entire community of families and friends now has an opportunity to bless their legal marriage and accept them as a couple.  I often preside over these ceremonies as well –  in true Celebrant style.  We often draw on elements of the earlier ceremony; elaborate on them; and share them with everyone.

Recognition for the Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011 is determined by recent reviews and extensive surveys from over 750,000 WeddingWire newlyweds. Our past clients are among those that shared their experiences on WeddingWire, the largest wedding review site in the nation.  Thank you to everyone who made this possible!

Capital Ceremonies stands among the top five percent of wedding professionals in the WeddingWire community, representing quality and service excellence within the wedding industry. Awards were given to the top wedding professionals across 20 service categories, from wedding venues to wedding photographers, and were based on the overall professional achievements throughout the past year.

“WeddingWire is honored to celebrate the success of the top-rated wedding professionals within the WeddingWire community,” said Timothy Chi, WeddingWire’s Chief Executive Officer. “With the annual Bride’s Choice Awards™ program, WeddingWire has the unique opportunity to recognize the best wedding professionals across the US and Canada. We applaud Capital Ceremonies for their professionalism and dedication to enhancing the wedding planning experience last year.”

We are happy to announce that Capital Ceremonies is among the very best of Officiants within the WeddingWire Network, which includes leading wedding planning sites WeddingWire, Martha Stewart Weddings, Project Wedding and Weddingbee. We would like to thank our past clients for nominating us to receive the Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011.

For more information, please visit our WeddingWire Storefront today at http://www.weddingwire.com/biz/capital-ceremonies/0b3bab78bf0e20ee.html

For more information on the Bride’s Choice Awards™ 2011, please visit www.WeddingWire.com.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIIyKoTVO68

Amy & Scott Kendall Wedding Ceremony Part 1
Amy & Scott Ceremony Part 2
Amy & Scott Ceremony Part 3

When I first met with Amy and Scott back in May, 2010 they drew me a diagram of where they planned to be married.  As I wrote and envisioned their ceremony, I knew it would be challenging.  In a traditional wedding everyone enters down the aisle and past the guests, but Amy planned to come from above along with her bridesmaids.  I wondered if her guests would be able to see.  It meant so much to her to be escorted in by her father and I wondered if everyone there would be able to sense how important this moment would be to her.  Since Scott and the groomsmen would be coming from below, I could design a more traditional processional for them with Scott seating his mother.  They also wanted a simple ceremony with few rituals.  They and Mother Nature were to be the stars of the occasion.

As November approached I got a little worried.  It was getting really cold.  Could we do it outside?  I knew they would be disappointed if we couldn’t.  I arrived early on the day of the rehearsal – way too early as it turned out (traffic on Friday afternoons in the DC area is notoriously terrible, but I just whizzed along 270).  I’d never been to Strong Mansion before, but Chris, the manager there, had given me meticulous directions and I had no trouble following them.  It was pretty windy and chilly when I arrived, but the beauty of the place – especially adorned in fall color – was stunning.  The formal gardens mixed beautifully with the wild forest on the side of the mountain.  I felt like I’d stepped back into the 19th century.  Laurie, the groundswoman there, let me inside and the rooms were also beautiful.  I could see how immediate the Latin motto over the door was, “Fortunate is he who knows the county gods.”  When Patsy, the Mansion’s co-ordinator arrived, I could see we were in good hands.  We had a quick but thorough rehearsal since the wind was blowing and everyone was freezing.

The next day, while still chilly, was sunny and the wind had died down.  It was perfect for an autumn wedding.  Everyone in the wedding party and in the families was gracious and excited to be there – happy to be a part of Amy and Scott’s big day.  More than one member of each family told me how happy they  were to welcome Amy or Scott into their family.  The other vendors were a delight to work with – photographers Marc & Kim Kent, DJ Craig Nelley, the Caterers and the Limo driver who fluffed Amy’s dress before she made her entrance and of course Patsy.   From our vantage point on the steps, the Bride and Groom and I could see all the way down into the valley.  What a magical wedding!

Stay tuned for my next blog which will have more hints.